If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
