i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
