Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
