I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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