if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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