I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
