just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
