i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
