You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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