I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
