That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
soo... how was my night?
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