First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
