im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Your cock deserves a montage
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
