I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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