This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This is my gift to your gina
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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