I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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