Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
