i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
