I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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