finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize