Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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