just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
