so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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