How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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