careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
