At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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