why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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