I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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