you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
