giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
