she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
