I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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