That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
