As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
