The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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