Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
