He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
