I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
