You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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