Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
