I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
