I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
