We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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