I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
