1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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