Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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