It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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