i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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