ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
