I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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