I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
