Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We left the knife in your bed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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