Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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