New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The air was thick with penises
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
