Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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