So drunk its hurt
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
