We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
