last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
