I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
