Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
