So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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