Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
