fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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