god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
