you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
