there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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