I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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