can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
